Dating is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re a girl or a guy, trying to find someone to spend your life with is a challenge. That’s the whole point of dating, right? You’re trying to find that one special person that overlooks all your flaws, loves you for who you are, and would move Heaven and Earth just to be with you.
Some people seem to have all the luck, marry their high school sweetheart and live happily ever after. Hey, that’s great, but for the rest of us it takes a little more effort. You’re probably not going to find “The One” right away but don’t lose hope. Maybe you find yourself in a slump and start contemplating just how many cats you’d be comfortable owning. Maybe the last guy you went out with was a complete waste of time and the whole dating thing just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Well on the behalf of guys everywhere, please don’t give up on us!
There are good guys out there, and I’ve put together a few tips that will hopefully help you find yours. It’s not a perfect list but it’s just a few of the things that I (as a guy) feel are important and need to be shared.
Don’t be a “Try-Hard”
We’ve all met that one girl who tries way too hard to impress everyone she meets. I cannot stress how important it is to not be this girl! As cool as it is that daddy got you a new BMW for graduation, when a guy hear’s you bragging about it, he’s probably going to run. If he doesn’t, he’s probably into you for all the wrong reasons anyway.
Guys don’t care about the car you drive, where you vacation, or how many purses you own with “MK” stamped on the front. A sweet personality and a pretty smile will go a lot farther when it comes to impressing guys.
Please don’t play the “dumb blonde”
Why anybody ever thought this was cute I have no idea! I remember this one girl in college (who was actually very attractive) would always play dumb to try to get guys’ attention. I don’t know if it ever worked for her, but my friends nicknamed her “Rocks”, as in, “dumb as a box of rocks.” Obviously, this wasn’t her desired effect, and she wasn’t really dumb at all, but for whatever reason she tried it.
I, for one, find intelligence to be a turn-on, and most guys will agree with me on that. So don’t be afraid to be your nerdy self that enjoys reading Harry Potter and watches way too many nature documentaries; there’s probably a guy for you that appreciates that.
Okay, maybe it’s a little cliché and it’s been said a million times before but that’s because it’s true! As Dr. Seuss says, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
You are who you are and you need a guy who can appreciate that. If you find yourself having to act differently around a guy to keep his attention, then red flags should be going up everywhere. Trying to be someone you’re not is only going to attract guys that are into someone you’re not. See the problem there?
It can get confusing for us when 10 months into a relationship, we discover you aren’t who we thought you were. Do yourself a favor and be the best “You” you know how to be. It’ll save you some heartache, and make life much simpler for everyone involved.
For the love of God, text him first for a change! Ask that guy you’ve been crushing on to get lunch, or coffee, or dinner. It doesn’t matter what you do, just break the ice. Odds are he’s wanted to do the same but is slightly intimidated by you, and can’t work up the courage to ask.
Most guys will be so amazed that you took the initiative that they’re going to say yes. Trust me on that one. I know it’s “the guy’s job” to ask you out blah, blah, blah, but it’s 2017, just do it.
Find a guy that laughs at you
Hear me out on this one. Usually you’re told, “Find a guy that makes you laugh.” While that is good advice, you should also be looking for the guy that laughs at you. When you try to flirt and he’s smiling and can’t seem to take you seriously, trust me it’s real. If kisses lead to giggles and hugs turn into tickle fights, you may have found the love of your life.
Couples that laugh together, stay together. Who has time to be so serious all the time?
Let “him” go
Now the “him” I’m referring to may be a recent ex, he may be the “guy you were talking to for a while but it never went anywhere” and yet you’re still hung up on him and won’t give anyone else a chance, or it could be the “him” that is just one guy you have your heart set on and it’s giving you tunnel vision even though you know it’ll never happen. Let it go.
There are a million guys just waiting for you to give them a chance and if you don’t let “him” go, you may miss out on something special.
FYI, check the “friend zone.” Many of these guys tend to hang out there.
Yes, you read that right. The final and probably the best tip is to just give up on relationships all together. Stop constantly worrying about finding someone. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy.
Try a new hobby, visit a new place, or catch up with some old friends. Maybe your last relationship didn’t work out, and you think all is lost because you can’t find anyone right now. Stop looking!
Until you can be completely happy by yourself, you’ll never be completely happy in a relationship. When you are honestly content with being on your own, you’ll be able to find what you’ve been looking for all along.
Life has a funny way of surprising you when you least expect it.
Colton Teague is a guest writer for Tribe Twenty One.